UNTITLED

 It’s been 18 years of his life. Yet not once did he feel like he had someone he could call when he needed them most. The interactions he had never turned into real attachment. He wanted to build something for himself, but somewhere along the way, confidence slipped away. Fear and hesitation became his shadow.

He left his classmates the day he walked out of school. Not because he wanted to, but because no bond had ever lasted. It’s not that he never asked for friendships — he did. But he was surrounded by people who ignored him, people who never saw what he carried inside. He grew up wishing for happiness, hoping for moments of joy. Not a perfect life, but a different one — something that everyone else seemed to have, but he didn’t.

He wants his story to turn around. He wishes someone would come and transform him completely, change him into a new person. Because deep down, he never liked himself. Not even once. Through both good and bad phases of life, he always thought one thing was missing — a constant confidence, a control over his voice, a smile that didn’t disappear under doubt. Why did his tone sound wrong when he spoke? Why did people turn and stare at him mid-conversation?

He always wanted so much to change. His fantasy imagination hoped someone from heaven would resolve his life. Poor guy didn’t know — no one from heaven is coming. People around him don’t look at him, and no one will magically arrive to fix everything. If you analyze him, you might say he just lacks confidence. That maybe constant courage to express himself could solve it all. But can life really change in one day?

Sometimes he even questioned his parents for not raising him right. He blamed them for missing the manual on how to understand this child. But deep down, he knew — no manuals exist before birth. Parents too are only learning. Still, the courage he missed — to take dares, to try, to fail — kept haunting him.

He wonders: was he raised too nice? Or did he unknowingly become rude? He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he’s sure something is missing. Something he never received in his entire life.

There are countless 3 a.m. weekend discussions in his own mind — endless loops of how to change his life, how to create the vibe he missed. Will more interactions fix it? Or will they complicate it? Can they really help him achieve his secret fantasies — fantasies not of luxury or fame, but of belonging, of being truly seen?

Sometimes, looking at himself makes him want to cry. But he doesn’t. A part of him knows nothing will change. Yet another part — stubborn, maybe foolish — still dreams of transformation.

And so he ends this chapter here. Because some stories aren’t finished in one telling. Part 2 will come later — and maybe, just maybe, it will arrive with a bigger bang. Let us hope for a banger