I DIDN'T DARE TO - Akhillessh Salla

 I  DIDN' T  DARE TO 

At 12:30 p.m., when everyone else was heading to the canteen, she walked toward the library. It wasn’t a place known for fiction — most of its shelves were filled with technical and subject-oriented books. The few fiction titles there rarely saw a reader’s hand.

Still, she wandered in, determined to find something. She knew her chances were slim, yet she searched. Then she spotted it — a book whose cover instantly caught her attention. That was how she usually chose her reads, by the cover, and somehow she was always right.

The cover was simple: just waves, and a single-word title. She opened it, unsure what the story was about, and began to read. Within minutes, she realized this book was unlike anything she’d picked up before. Maybe it was the way it opened — sharp, vivid, pulling her in. Page after page, she read thirty in what felt like no time, even though she was usually a slow reader.

When the lunch break came, she reluctantly left for the canteen with her lunchbox, ate quickly, attended her afternoon lab sessions, and went home — the book safely tucked away.

After a bath, she picked it up again. Slowly, she reached page seventy-two, the story’s tension tightening. Then, something strange: between the pages, she spotted a folded sheet of white paper.

She opened it. The first thing she saw was the title, written in neat but hurried handwriting: I Didn’t Dare To.

The letter instantly drew her in, even more than the book itself. There was no name, no date, no clue about the writer or the recipient — just words floating in mystery. It could have been from a classmate, a junior, or a senior.

It’s bad manners to read someone else’s letter. She knew that. But then again, she thought, who doesn’t have bad habits? Maybe the writer had placed it there on purpose, wanting someone to read it. She knew for certain it wasn’t meant for her.

Still, she began to read.

I Didn’t Dare To

Don’t ask me how beautiful you are.
Don’t ask me if I’ve ever seen anyone as beautiful as you.
Even the seven wonders never mesmerized me as much as you did.

I’ve seen several faces.
I’ve seen several smiles, but I never felt the same as the day I first saw you and saw you smile.
That day I still remember.
That day I got a never-forgotten memory.
That day I saw you — someone not just beautiful, but also someone very close to my heart.

Not long ago, I realized that loving someone isn’t about finding the most beautiful face —
it’s about finding the one whose presence makes your life feel cherished forever,
whose companionship quietly makes every day better.

If you ask me to describe you, I won’t compare you with rain — I’ll describe you with the sun.
Whenever I see you, the darkness in my heart disappears.
I know staying beside you is like the happiness college students and software employees feel when they visit their village for a festival — that rare, limited happiness.
Only with you, I know I could enjoy that limited happiness endlessly, forever.

Deep down, my heart knows that your companionship is the solution to several questions I raise.
I know my perspective about the world would just change automatically if I were with you.

You are the solution to my depression, the reason the world feels like it belongs to me again.

The moment I saw you, I just wanted to be with you — nothing much has changed about my view on you from day one.
I want to be with you no matter what.
I want to talk to you.
I want to chat with you.
If I say it in one sentence, every bit of hard work I put in and every dream I pursue is just so I can be with you.

I don’t dare to send a “hi” message, but deep down my heart still dares to like you as much as before.
Yesterday, today, or tomorrow — nothing will ever change what I feel for you.

I know you will never read this — I wrote it because I can’t keep everything in my heart.
It’s not that I can describe the love I feel for you in one letter,
but just to put my feelings toward you on paper — maybe I can at least put 1 percent of it.

May this might not happen in this life, but if I ever got the chance, I know I will make it.